Bipolar

by Desert Eclipse

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1.
02:25
2.
02:32
3.
02:36
4.
01:30
5.
02:55
6.

credits

released June 18, 2016

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Desert Eclipse Hesperia, California

We are Desert Eclipse. We are High Desert Metal.

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Track Name: Anhedonia
I yearn to recall
I yearn to recall simpler times
When suicidal thoughts were comforting
An occasional hobby

When I found,
When I found Shakespeare's tragedies funny
And superfluous his comedies
“I cried to dream again”

Saccharin's no honey
Marie shared her cake
Comfort Eagle and pretty ribbons of pink upon guillotines

It's the artificiality
It's a fissure to me
A trap sending monsters to their grave

Sacrificing sanity's a must

Sumaria or bust!

“But you’re healthy, you’re writing,
You’re in a band,
The one you love, you have their hand
You don’t have it bad!”

Everything is relative
Eloquence and artistry are semantics
Brain and mind appreciate diversity
Their feuds devastate the body
(Hypersomnia is so tiring)

If being happy wasn’t dependent on chemistry,
My blood polarity would be blasphemy
(Nothing promises pleasure)
Records/stories are spun every night
Framing means nothing
I’m just biding my time

Tommy,
You warned me
Gold medals in the rain

Tommy,
They left me
Autodidact in pain

Tommy,
I forced me
My legs hurt from dancing
Track Name: Psychosis
Tipitty tip tapping
Tapping tapping
Tap tap tapping
Tipping
Tapping
Because if I don’t,
The bees, they will escape!

(NOBODY CARES)

I feel them in the, in the, in the pockets of my joints
Knuckles pop, poppity-pip-pop to extend their prison-stay-stay-stay
Stay
Stay
STAY!
STAY!

The keys clickity-clack, clickity-clack (Moo! Ha) making words and words and words and words and words........
Moo! HA!
WORDS!
HA!

(NOBODY CARES)

My foot’s a’movin’
And feet’s a’groovin’
Up and down and down and up and up and all around
Because if I don’t,
The worms will crawl into my eyes
The ankle-breaking heel-gyrating toe-spanking do-si-doing
Keeps them a’shakin’
Below my clanking knees

I’m crying
Please.
I can’t stop writing
My soul is overfilling my body
And leaking
From under my tongue and tear ducts

(NOBODY CARES)

It hurts
So badly
(I just want to sleep.)
I can’t even catch my breath
I’m going to start hyperventilating
It hurts
So badly
(NOBODY CARES)
My soul is leaking
Spilling onto the floor
And I just cleaned!
(I think my teeth are bleeding
From smiling much too hard)
Please, forgive me
(You can’t argue with chemistry
In this box, I am suffocating)

(NOBODY CARES)

I slept most of days away this week
And now I can’t find time to blink

I hate sleeping
I hate waking

There’s no in between
There’s always thinking

Pour me a drink, please
Give me paresthesia

Everything tastes like coffee
You can’t argue with chemistry
(NOBODY CARES)

My sleepless identity
Is my disordered personality
I am my pathology
My sickness defines me
Track Name: Autosadism
Passion: noun
A powerful, compelling emotion or feeling usually associated with love or hate;
Also an enthusiastically consuming fondness for an object, act, habit, etc.
Its origins lie in ancient Greek and Latin, as well as Middle English from words meaning “to suffer, submit, or endure”

I’m aware that any performance could be my last
I’m sorry I can’t sing very well.
I can barely write.
If I were clever, this’d be better.
But I’m not... So it’s not.
I want to take this moment to say that I love you all.
If you’re listening and sharing, I love you.
If you’re listening and keeping me secret, I love you.

I trust you.
Here’s a confession,
Please know I don’t trust easy, but as long as I do,
I’ll keep confessing
Oh, I'll keep confessing:

I was four when I first considered suicide
I wanted to jump into a deep pool though I couldn’t swim
Some would call this feeling of wanting to jump “vertigo”
I don’t have a word/phrase for it
Most times, I think “missed opportunity”
At the moment I had no concept of afterlife or oblivion
I hardly understood “drowning”
But it sounded right
Still does in hindsight

Assimilation into what gives life
Knowing escape is impossible
Knowing escape is incomprehensible
There’s probably a word for that

But
I guess...
I just don’t...
I don’t know it yet
Track Name: (Untitled)
Cognitive dissonance is my constant, isn't it?

Intentionally unintelligible
Screen fed
Scream dead
I want to be heard



Not just heard


Fuck, fucking fuck
Rewrite
More blood
Learn to fucking write
More blood
Fuck fucking fuck
Rewriiiiiite



Ignite the cathartic hemoptysis
Lowly fucking plagiarist
There’s not enough blood
Rewrite
Fucking fuck
Learn to fucking write
What the fuck is wrong with you?

Try try again
There’s not enough blood
Rewrite


Do it again, get it right
Fuck
You’re better than this


Needs more blood
Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite
Needs more blood
More blood, more blood, more blood
Needs more blood
Fuck!
Track Name: Ideation
This apathetic anxiety is conflicting within me
My suicidal ideation is misplaced reciprocation
With its
Psychomotor agitation conflating insomnia-fueled deliberations
Thoughts and veins in a race; pumping red cells and neurons as I
Pace, pace
Pace, pace
I don't care, but know I should
I would care, but know I can't

Nihilists have the righter idea
And the solipsistic to an extent:
Life has no inherent value
Conscripted shepherds are buried at sea

I’m drifting from shoreline

Fear and boredom cannot cohabitate
I’m so numb...
Existential spacial awareness fleeting
I'm so numb...
Gnawing nails, spitting blood
Luring sharks in the flood
I’m so numb...

Tying cement shoes as I slip into seabed
Inhaling a wife worth of salt, Lot's
Lungs filling like the Exodus plague
Entrenched by an excessive weight
That snaps my necklace
Experiment intended to fail
Though if I had kicked myself beyond the pale...
Who is gonna argue with the results?

Since when was my end something you could contend?
Who are you to tell me how I feel?!

I’m aware of my mistakes
Don’t remind me!
I’m aware of my mistakes
They taught me knotting
I’m aware of my mistakes
They haunt me, pushing
Don’t remind me

A forsaken toxic desert, sandstorming a dry drowning

The sharks are...
(they’re just fish)
The sharks are...
Surrounding
The sharks are...
(they’re just fish)
The sharks are...
Devouring
The sharks are...
(they’re just fish)
The sharks are...
Expounding

Somewhere beyond this sea
My angel stands on golden sands
Beyond stars, beyond the moon
My heart will lead me there soon
Happy, I’ll be
And never again...
Never again...
Will I go sailing
Track Name: Binary State (Bonus Track)
Factories of plastic produce society's static
Routine after routine, spick and span
The children are laughing with eyes and ears shut
Schools and parents pass doctrines of Grow The Hell Up
No time to play, no time to lose
Week after week, plights and plans

Sell your soul, make a quick buck
American dream? You’re shit out of luck
No honor for a military losing their lives
Being fodder for an American Reich
Money is king with no change to back it up
Plutocracy thrives off the worst of us
Silence is key in this gilded age
Reject the dissenters

Sound
Drowns
Sound
Bounds

Hear them come a-marching
Beating a drum of rotten rawhide

Look at the puppets, see how they dance,
They look like little people with little pairs of pants
Watch them speak, watch them pray, gaze at
The scrambling when they haven't been told what to say
Isn't it cute, isn't it neat?
Isn't it such a fucking treat?!
Isn’t it fun, isn’t it rad?
How could something publicized be any bad?!

A house divided surely cannot stand

They cite century old manuscripts
To justify their intolerance
Slavers seeking asylum
Unbeknownst to industrialization
History is catalog of predictable ironies
Morality is but a fleeting zeitgeist
Occupy the cities, blood up to our knees
Tear down these walls, chop down cherry trees

Taking back what was stolen
We smile as Big Brother’s watching
Violence begets violence
Reciprocated gouging leave us blind
Real men fight real fights,
They don’t piss themselves over petty gun rights
The second revolution won’t be fought with arms
Come and keep your comrade warm

Power to the people but people are yet to be found
Power-hungry steeples point to abstract nouns
Power-outlets breed disinformation

Plug in your eyes, unplug your mind
Unpopular opinion is on the rise
Feed them your lies, dispose of our lives
[Unpublished opinion will be your demise]

The Binary State
The only thing we love is our right to hate

One on one
You against us
Tyrant or patriot?
Only prying eyes judge
Become the narrative of complacency
Bow to your corporate masters

Alone, we are nothing
Together, we’re a swarm
“If a plant cannot live according to its (means),
it dies; and so a man”

""- excerpt of Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau